Going Topless: 5 Lies Your Mother Told You
Going Topless has always been a big deal to my mother.
I’m not what anyone would call an internet model. I’m not on one of the big sites like Suicide Girls or God’s Girls and Instagram being Instagram they have peculiar and very old school rules about showing women’s nipples. Seriously? In this day and age? Facebook, I understand, but there is no way I would be going topless on Facebook. My grandparents have Facebook. That’s fucked up.
I pose topless online under my terms. If you visited my Tumblr, you would see several photos of me participating in the internet sensation. Topless Tuesdays. Sometimes, I’m going topless online because I’m horny, or in the mood to practice some exhibitionism, which I can into from time to time.
My mother grew up in a different world. She was born in the late 1960’s, pre-internet, where the only women one would see going topless, was in a Playboy centerfold, or a Penthouse pictorial. Kinda lame, but when that’s all you have available, you didn’t really have a choice.
I was born in 1996. I have never been without the internet, and growing up my mother constantly warned me of the dangers of being online. I listened. I mean, I was a little kid. What did I know? But, as I got older, mom got even more worried. For some reason, (maybe due to the fact that my tits were growing at a rapid rate), she feared me either going topless of fully naked online.
Here are Mom’s Top 5 gripes about women going topless:
1.) Boys will think you’re easy.
Not true, Mom. The boys I know are well aware of boobs, of course, but due to the millions of them on the internet, they’ve been desensitized, so topless boobs aren’t really a big deal, or so shocking, any longer. I think most women who go topless would tell you the same thing.
2.) Old men will perv on you and send you pictures of their dick.
Where have you been, Mom? Old men will perv you on the street, inside a subway or just about anywhere they think they can get away with it. If you knew the number of dick pics I’ve received on Facebook alone, your head would explode. I quietly report them and then delete them. 9 times out of 10, Facebook will delete the offender’s account.
3.) Much like diamonds, online topless photos are forever.
Which is why I want to take a lot of topless photos. I’ll need to look back on them someday when I want to remind myself of what a great rack I used to have. 20 years from now, no one is going to GAF about my bra-less boobies. Trust me!
4.) Going out without a bra will make you look like a whore.
Mom, if that’s true, than going out with a bra will make you look like a frigid prude. I’m sorry your generation was,(and still is), so sexually repressed, but it’s 2018. Get with it. I don’t expect you to stop wearing one of those WW2 bras that grandma bought you for Christmas, but seriously, They’re my tits and I’ll do with them what I please. No offense, because I still love you.
5.) Not wearing a bra will make your boobs sag, long before they are supposed to.
I’ve always laughed at this. Going braless does not make your boobs sag. It’s a myth, made up by uptight moms and bra manufacturers. You know what does make your boobies sag? Genetics. Fortunately you still have a great rack, Mom, so I’m not going to worry about titty gravity until I’m at least 45.